BREAKING: Two More Lives Taken at the Hands of Tiny Craft Supplies Man

Local police are on the chase after the fugitive lead suspect in the Clay Case. Nicknamed Olson, the police describe him as a “sort of stout-looking blue clay man, usually smiling,” who was last seen taking a cable car towards unknown destination.

As our regular readers well know, last week the killer sent us some of his cryptograms to be published, which authorities finally solved approximately 7 hours ago. The results are published on page 4, and offer some closure on these recent tragedies.

“Sick bastard calls it one of his ‘journies’ whenever he goes on one of his crime sprees,” said a neighborhood social science teacher heavily involved in the deciphering who asked to remain anonymous. “Well, for the rest of society this is unforgivable defiance of the law.”

Our coverage of the Clay Case has thus far reported on two of Olson’s brief “journies,” the first consisting of solving one puzzle and sitting in a chair and the second, where he claimed his first victim, a sequence of pushing a bunch of levers arbitrarily. Today we are grieved to announce that Olson’s Journey 3 has incurred the highest number of fatalities yet. Witnesses report the suspect hitting even more goddamn switches that were reputedly pretty hard to figure out before savagely taking the lives of two bystanders on his reckless path towards a getaway. Keep reading The Gossamer Wire to stay up to date as more updates roll in.

“He was a good dog,” say owners of late Spike

Among the onslaught of recent deaths in Desert Fox’s “Bad Dream” series was that of Spike the dog, beloved family pet of ambiguous breed. The cause is yet to be determined, though locals allege sightings of a hooded figure wielding a scythe in the weeks before and after the incident.

The owners, who chose to be known only as “Mom” and “Dad,” note that it was “remarkable” the dog survived the series’ four previous point and click adventures, considering the number of casualties at the hands of various sadistic entities with jack-in-the-box modus operandi.

Previous episodes include Bad Dream: “Butcher,” “Graveyard,” “Hospital,” and “Cyclops,” making this entry, “Memories,” the latest of the list and Spike one of the latest in the body count.

“At first I was excited about moving somewhere new, but then it occurred to me that Death has been stalking my family from the outhouse near our garden,” says Mom and Dad’s only son, who was Spike’s closest companion. He is currently developing the prototype model of a trap he claims will stop this calamity.

The related incidents involved various murders and dismemberments in and around nearby abandoned urban and semi-urban areas. Our reporters investigated these impressive Game Maker works via solving responsive puzzles by interacting with the minimal animated environment in an atmosphere enhanced by a sublimely chosen ambient soundtrack from the depths of hell.

Authorities are asking that any citizen who would like to know more play the series for free.

Death could not be reached for comment.



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