Category: Under the Bed

Reviews of, unsolicited opinions on, and walkthroughs for indie games no one plays.

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  1. Zero Time Dilemma Review

    Finally, six years after the North American release of 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors and four years after Virtue’s Last Reward made the scene — after a drought of nothing but bad news for the future of the franchise — arrives the third and final game in the Zero Escape trilogy, Zero Time Dilemma, available on Steam no less, the one that was supposed to amaze us, knock us dead, answer all our lingering questions in a whiz-bang, no holds barred finale, and still get us home in time for dinner. So how does it hold up?

  2. Pony Island Review

    Disenfranchised after his work in the Bible, Satan has been busy as an indie game developer, and is currently working on the twenty-somethingth iteration of his magnum opus, Pony Island. Now it’s up to you to beta-test this hellish, horse-themed endless runner, traversing fences, flying across bottomless pits, and shooting lasers at wizard goblins. Save the imprisoned souls of the arcade as you hack your way through Pony Island’s terrible source code and the artefacts of its entire development history, including the early text-adventure version, the 3D version, the adventure game version, and the version with a mascot.

  3. Most Fanmade Pokemon MMO’s Suck

    This week inspector detective officer person Plasterbrain investigates fanmade Pokemon MMO’s across the net — the good, the bad, and the Purugly. Lousy game design, shameless pay-to-win, and a fear of pineapples — plus the secret, seedy underbelly of online Poke-plagiarism.

  4. Baby Blues, the film I think Netflix made up

    Nothing actually scary happens in the body of this film. Once WifeSister looks at a book cover and the point of view shot shows the doll on it with some sort of loud jarring sound, but that’s about it. In fact, Baby Blues informs a feature-length film’s worth of disparaging commentary rather than a legitimate review, which is why I am going to instead review only the last ten seconds of the film.

  5. My Boyfriend: The Game ❤ Part 2

    Dude tries to make up for missing last night’s date, and Vanessa gives Stanley some business advice. Meanwhile, a thief is loose on the island. Will we discover their identity before it’s too late? Can Stanley escape the rising tides of poverty, and overcome her cereal bar addiction?