Disenfranchised after his work in the Bible, Satan has been busy as an indie game developer, and is currently working on the twenty-somethingth iteration of his magnum opus, Pony Island. Now it’s up to you to beta-test this hellish, horse-themed endless runner, traversing fences, flying across bottomless pits, and shooting lasers at wizard goblins. Save the imprisoned souls of the arcade as you hack your way through Pony Island’s terrible source code and the artefacts of its entire development history, including the early text-adventure version, the 3D version, the adventure game version, and the version with a mascot.
This week inspector detective officer person Plasterbrain investigates fanmade Pokemon MMO’s across the net — the good, the bad, and the Purugly. Lousy game design, shameless pay-to-win, and a fear of pineapples — plus the secret, seedy underbelly of online Poke-plagiarism.
Nothing actually scary happens in the body of this film. Once WifeSister looks at a book cover and the point of view shot shows the doll on it with some sort of loud jarring sound, but that’s about it. In fact, Baby Blues informs a feature-length film’s worth of disparaging commentary rather than a legitimate review, which is why I am going to instead review only the last ten seconds of the film.
Dude tries to make up for missing last night’s date, and Vanessa gives Stanley some business advice. Meanwhile, a thief is loose on the island. Will we discover their identity before it’s too late? Can Stanley escape the rising tides of poverty, and overcome her cereal bar addiction?
Stanley and Vanessa have been besties since fourth grade, and now they’re going on their first vacation without parents EVER! Though Vanessa’s hidden feelings for Stanley continue to grow, Stanley has other plans, and tries to score a date with the local surf shop loiterer, Dude. Also, something about pets! I’m not really sure.